I spent many years of my spiritual journey trying to fast track my way to superconsciousness. I was hungry to transcend the current state of affairs, both within me and within the world at large. I discovered many wonderful tools and techniques along the way. Yoga, meditation, raw living foods, rebirthing, communion with nature, to name a few.
Then there was the era with Ayahuasca. I spent a handful of years immersed in the world of Ayahuasca. I was hooked from the start. Ayahuasca offered me a glimpse into the unseen reality. The reality of the All That Is. I could see the fabric of creation being woven (literally) with every thought, every word, every action. It was incredible. I loved every moment of it, the good the bad and the ugly. However, it created a separation within my essence that I was unaware of at the time. I started to love that world more this world, and found myself sitting in ceremony after ceremony after ceremony. And even using it on my own. And then one day, when I wasn’t looking, after one specific ceremony, it all caught up with me. I collapsed. On all levels of my being. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually.
It was like I was catapulted from the highest of high places to down beneath the dirt. 6 feet under. It was like I lost consciousness, and lost all of the perceived awareness that I had gathered along the way. It was not pretty. I could barely function. You couldn’t tell by looking at me. I looked “normal”, and most people I knew thought I was fine. But I wasn't fine. I couldn't even put the laundry away. I would stare at the basket of clean clothes and not know what to do with it. And it would sit there for days. The clean clothes would then get mixed with the dirty clothes as I was living out of the laundry basket. It was a mess, I was a mess. Complete and utter burnout. It took me years to crawl out from that living hell. I finally found somewhat stable ground. And then it took even more years to actually come to a place, where I felt like I was strong enough, to live fully again. It’s been 12 years, and I am aware that still, my brain is healing and rewiring itself for optimal functioning.
I am grateful that I chose to be resilient, and to fight my way through the darkness. A darkness, which at the time, had no end. The Ayahuasca community at large would tell me that this was all apart of the “medicine” of Ayahuasca. And that this is what I needed, to get to the place I was seeking. I however, disagree. I disagreed then, and I disagree now that I am on the other side. To be clear Ayahuasca is not a “medicine”. It is a drug (I’ve done my fair share of drugs so I know what I’m talking about here) It is a neurotoxin. A neurotoxin is a substance that alters the structure or function of the nervous system. A neurotoxin can lead to a variety of functional deficits, and can even be fatal.
From my innerstanding now, I am aware, that my use with Ayahuasca created a deceptive, delusional, false awakening within me. I was not in line, with natures design. I had to start all over again. From the very beginning. From even before the very beginning. If I could choose again, I would choose to stay on the gentle path.
You see, there is no fast track to superconsciousness, or anything for that matter. When you take short cuts, you get cut short. Sometimes the consequences don’t reveal themselves until it’s too late. Now, I choose the gentle path, in all that do. This is the most efficient and direct path. I invite you to do the same. Walk with me.
Interested in coaching and mentoring? Book your free discovery call here
Comentarios